"THE thing about becoming a carer is that you don’t realise what you’re letting yourself in for." 

At Carers Careline, based in Redditch, they hear the same story over and over again.

Someone becomes ill or has an accident. They need a bit of help to get them over this blip.

But, instead of recovering they become more incapable of looking after themselves and the person who is caring becomes more tired.

When R’s husband had a stroke her first thought was that it would all be sorted. He recovered to a certain extent but she had no idea of the battle to come.

"The worst thing is not knowing what the future holds," R said.

"You hope it will get better not worse but that’s not what happens."

P looked after his mother, who had dementia, for 10 years.

"It’s hard to sort out what’s relevant from what’s not," he said.

"You get a lot of different information from different bodies, but much doesn’t apply to your own case."

Over the 10 years he found that what didn’t apply in the early days began to apply as she deteriorated.

R tries hard to encourage her husband’s independence.

"It’s hard to stop jumping in while they’re struggling to do something and make them do it themselves. It takes a huge toll on your emotional strength," she said.

There is, of course, no one size fits all for carers.

You may be caring for people with physical, psychological or learning disabilities, mental health problems or illnesses, neurological disorders – or a mixture of lots of things.

Nothing is straightforward. Nothing is clear cut.

The emotional strain is often the breaking point for carers.

All anybody really wants is a normal life and when disaster happens without warning, all plans, hopes and dreams go out of the window.

‘Normal’ life ceases to exist. What happens next becomes the new normal and somehow the carer and the person they are caring for have to adapt to it.

Friends and family, without meaning to, may back off because it’s too difficult to go out or to keep in contact as much as they used to.

It becomes difficult to look after yourself because you are so focused on looking after the person you’re caring for.

Finances change; the carer may have to cut their hours at work or even leave entirely and there is nothing to make up that deficiency, other than carers’ allowance which is currently £64.60 a week, hardly enough to make up for a lost wage.

The nature of caring is often very frustrating.

The person you’re caring for may go through all kinds of changes of personality and temperament and, if that person is very close to you, it can be very upsetting.

You can find yourself shouting in frustration and then you’re consumed with guilt.

Guilt can loom when you have to begin thinking about changing the house around to accommodate things more easily or, if the incapacitated person becomes more ill, when you feel you’ve reached the end of your ability to care for them in the way you feel you should.

The worst thing, probably, is that you have no idea what’s around the corner.

You have no idea how long the caring will go on; you may be in denial and have a hazy feeling in your heart that one day life will go back to how it was.

Your life has changed completely.

Carers Careline is a local Redditch group, here to support you.

A spokesman from Carers Careline, based in the Ecumenical Centre in Redditch town centre, said: "We can help with all kinds of things, from providing a listening ear to helping you to fill in difficult forms or make difficult phone calls.

"We can support you with counselling. We make monthly phone calls to make sure you’re okay. We arrange lots of activities and outings to try and give you a bit of a break.

"We have a bereavement group which meets on the third Saturday of every month from 10.30am until 12 noon, at the Ecumenical Centre, and Carers Connect, which is run by one of our volunteers, will be meeting once a month from January 26, from 1pm to 3pm, at Redditch Library."

They added: "If you think that Carers Careline could help you, or someone you know, please ring us on 01527 66177, email us on info@carerscareline.co.uk, or pop in to the Ecumenical Centre, Room 1, and see us on any Monday to Thursday morning between 10 and 12 when we’ll be only too happy to listen and make you a cuppa."